There's a few possibilities.... Back EMF or over current of an open collector.
Because switching high current on an inductive load is no trivial task, often times they are switched with what's called an open collector setup. This means that there is a pull up on output and a transistor is used to "pull down" the output. This is often used because then the "pull down transistor" doesnt have to source as much current.
When you put the diode in series with the EKP, if its an open collector setup (not sure it is), then you removed the pump as a load when the voltage from the relay was applied, thus shoving much more current through the pull down transistor than would ever happen normally for the target voltage to be achieved when requested by the EKP. I'm pretty sure its not a PWM output after playing with it in the past.
The other possibility is that when ever you have a large inductive load and you switch said inductive load off the magnetic field in the coils must go somewhere. This causes the field to invert the voltage across the coil and spike the voltage up as high as it takes to flow current until the magnetic field can dissipate. Often times on relay's the protect the relay turn on circuitry with what is called a "free wheeling diode", or will also protect the relay from arcing when switching an inductive load in a similar way, as arcing the relay on shut off will reduce its life span A LOT. This free wheeling diode however is not enough. This is because you have to wait for the voltage to swap for it to take effect (diode is wired so that when the voltage is flipped it allows current flow), further diodes them selves take time to actually allow current flow, a normal diode is not fast enough. A zener diode on the other hand, is the right tool for the job. Further, a free wheeling diode can often times cause the voltage to flip back and fourth several times while the current dissipates, often causing the relay to "chatter" during shut off, bad bad news. A zener diode placed in parallel with the load, as close to the load as possible is the proper solution. They react faster, and help prevent the voltage inversion instead entering their breakdown voltage and allowing current flow in the original voltage polarity across the load until the voltage comes back down under the breakdown voltage.
Thus, when you switched both of the large inductive loads off (fuel pumps), with no protection for back EMF its likely there was a voltage spike large enough to either cause your diode to go into enter breakdown and over voltage the EKP, or a surge through the ground path of reverse voltage pulled to much current from the EKP blowing it out.
This is why an SSR or an H bridge is a better solution than the relay for inductive load switching, they have built in protection for this. What you should have done with what you're trying to do, is rather than use the diode, use two SSR's to completely swap the drive circuit for the 450 to run from the battery, and connect the EKP to a fixed resistive load (like say 7 ohms, with resistors that can handle a total of 14 watts of heat dissipation) for the duration of the hobs switch on time.
Note further, that because the diode has a 0.7v drop across it, your 450 is running 0.7 volts less than it would normally when the current is sourced from the EKP. I also hope that your relay doesnt have a NC and NO connection and have the NC connection wired to ground, as that means you just shorted the EKP to ground, another possible reason for the failure, but given that it worked to start the car up, I suspect the NC Is left floating.
So what I'm getting from all this is that I'm in way over my head and I should leave both pumps hard wired and call it a day. LOL