Why attack the customer?!? You could simply say that you are sorry for the issues they’ve been having and will Timothy ship them a replacement if they send you their shipping address. Period.
The idea of wanting to supply good products and good customer support has to co-exist with the reality of (a small percentage of) people preferring to go online and complain about a product rather than shoot us an email. This is literally stated by many of them "oh I figured this would be a good way to get your attention". Not really. As stated many times through the years, if any of you have an issue shoot me an email and whatever it is, I'll help drive it to resolution. Those that want help get it.